This Esse is loco

Taking care of an infant full time is like tending to a drunk mental patient. Babies are just plain weird and no one prepares you for it. There should be at least 20 minutes spent in labor class where they throw out possible behaviors of your future child. 

Like...

...she wants to nap with your hand suctioned on her face like that thing from Alien. 

...out of nowhere she will begin screeching. Joy? Anger? Who could tell. 

...she insists on touching the inside of your mouth and nose. 

...for five straight minutes she will sit staring while making a spit sucking sound like a teen with their first retainer. 

...she will make a vast array of sounds in a matter of minutes. Grunting. Growling. Squealing. Incoherent babbling and so on 

What a nutter.