Modern Day Freak Show

Just the other day I found myself proclaiming loudly "What
the hell happened to TLC?" I waited a few minutes for a response
then sadly realized that once again I was alone and talking to
myself. But really, what has this station become? The answer: a
modern day freak show. They can dress it up all they want, but they
can't hide the fact that more than half of their programming calls
out to the lowest form of our human nature. First off, the midget
shows. And yes, I refuse to use the politically correct term
"little people", even though TLC trys to shove it down our throat.
They put this on because we all love to stare at midgets, but even
I have my limits. First a family of midgets, then midgets having a
baby. Now midgets who run a chocolate shop! Are they trying to set
me up for an Oompa Loompa joke? If that wasn't enough, there is
also several family reality shows. And by family, I mean a couple
with an unaturally large litter of children. First we had he
pleasure of John and Kate. After a season or two of emasculation
that relationship ended as well as the show. So now we have the
creepy uber-Christian family The Duggards and "Table for 12." I
just don't get these. Where are the midgets? Oh, and don't forget
the antithesis of these, "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant", which
chronicles white trash women who think they have indigestion for 9
months. In closing, I think TLC should be forced to change their
name. I have never felt like I have learned anything watching it,
except that there are people in the world who weigh more than a car
and that whales can explode. In fact I think I am now dumber for
even writing about it.

I tried...

So just came back from a nice relaxing vacation in Michigan and realized I had a new look on life when it comes to driving. I had turned a new leaf and was going to drive like a responsible citizen just like the Michiganders. That lasted approximately 3 days.

I have come to the realization that the reason everyone here drives like a complete moron or an aggressive asshole is that they become infected. From a few days of the traffic, being honked at, cut off, and witnessing acts from the bizarre to the down right terrifying you too become one of them. It makes me wonder, who is "Patient Zero" of this pandemic? Did it all start with a four way stop on a dirt road and an assertive Model-T driver?

And I believe the overall problem of rudeness in New Jersey stems solely from driving. This disease slowly trickles into our everyday lives and the next thing you know you have made a woman at the supermarket cry because that morning you were almost side swiped by some lady in a SUV. I think the only solution to our aggression is to do as the people of Michigan do...shoot at stuff in the woods. Ahhh, now don't you feel better?